Why it Feels Amazing When Plans are Canceled

Why does it feel so amazing sometimes when plans are canceled? I remember asking someone once after finding out I didn’t have to attend a thing that I probably didn’t want to attend in the first place, "Doesn't it feel great when plans are canceled?!” And I remember their answer of, “Of course it does- I’m a millennial!” No matter your generation, there are several reasons it can feel so great when this happens.

Reclaiming Control Over Your Time

Those of us who have a complicated relationship with time find relief when plans are canceled because even things that we know are good for us can feel like a waste of time. For most of us most of the time, brushing our teeth is a worthwhile use of our time. But depending on the level of stress or scarcity at the moment, it can feel like a resentful, rushed act that’s keeping us from the thing we want to do. These small, rebellious moments feel like we are reclaiming our time, even when it’s not to our benefit. The person who feels this reclamation deeply could also have a tough time committing to a long-enough sleep schedule (doom scrolling well into the night), often feels FOMO (fear of missing out), or feels a lack of agency in their life in general. 

Masking and Social Anxiety

For a lot of people that come to therapy, social anxiety is one of the main issues they describe as being disruptive to the life they’d like to be living. When social anxiety is a persistent issue for someone, outings may be few and far between. After having been built up in one’s mind as something that needs to be rehearsed for, someone with social anxiety will mask their way through the party, for example. And masking is exhausting! Pretending or overly editing oneself takes an incredible amount of energy, and getting time back by plans being canceled means also getting that energy back.

There’s an assumption that some people just flow into social situations with ease and grace, but even the most social of butterflies needs time to warm up. If you can push through that initial discomfort of “Whyyy did I arrange this?” you will often find yourself saying, “We should do this more often!” by the end.

Overcommitment and Overextension Lessons

The relief we feel when plans are canceled can also reveal to us our tendencies to over commit or overextend ourselves (i.e. people pleasing). When we are people pleasing, it may be for a variety of reasons, but one of them could be that overextending ourselves is to control what other people see us as; a caregiver, a saint, a martyr, for example. When those plans are canceled and we feel some relief, that could be anticipated resentment leaving the body (and of course that would feel good!). It’s a lesson for future you; we never really wanted to do the thing in the first place.

So the next time plans are canceled, and you feel that woosh of relief, take a moment and reflect on what’s happening inside you to gain a little more insight into your baseline tendencies.