Letting Go Isn’t Giving Up, It’s Making Space

Letting go is one of the most misunderstood ideas in healing. Many people hear it as surrendering something important, minimizing pain, or forcing themselves to move on before they are ready. In therapy, letting go is rarely about pushing anything away. It is about allowing what is already here to move through you, without gripping it so tightly that it defines who you are.

We are taught that holding on keeps us safe. Holding on to relationships, identities, plans, stories and even pain can feel stabilizing. But holding on often comes at the cost of presence, joy, and growth.

As Joseph Campbell wrote,

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

This does not mean abandoning intention or care. It means noticing when attachment to a specific outcome is preventing us from responding to what is actually unfolding. In therapy, this shows up when someone is grieving the version of themselves they thought they would be by now, or clinging to a relationship that no longer fits, or judging themselves for not being further along.

Letting go begins when we stop arguing with reality.

Letting go often looks quiet. It looks like sitting with grief without trying to fix it. It looks like allowing anger to rise without acting it out or shaming it. It looks like noticing the urge to control, to explain, to cling, and choosing instead to stay present.

Letting go does not mean forgetting, excusing, or bypassing pain. It means trusting that you do not need to hold everything together for life to continue. It means allowing space for something new to emerge, even if you do not yet know what that is.

There is no rushing this process. Healing happens in its own timing, not on our preferred schedule. John Steinbeck reminds us of this gentler truth:

“Don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

If you are in a season of letting go, be gentle with yourself. You are not failing. You are not behind. You are participating in a deeply human process of release and renewal. Sometimes the bravest thing we do is loosen our grip and allow ourselves to feel what is already true.