Advice for Going Home for the Holidays
If anticipation of going home for the holidays fills you with feelings of unbridled warmth, joy and gratitude that sounds wonderful and you probably don’t need to read this blog! For many the feelings are more complicated. There may be some of the positive emotions, but mixed with anxiety, feelings of obligation or even dread. Here’s a few ideas to take with you to JFK:
Take Emotional Stock – Before you go home, take stock of where you are emotionally. If you are having conflicting feelings about it acknowledge and explore them either in therapy or with a trusted friend or sibling. Just verbalizing some of these conflicting feelings will allow to feel more in control and organized about them. If you don’t have a person you want to share with even writing a journal will likely be therapeutic and help you sort some of your feelings.
Hold on to your habits – If you exercise daily or go and get a matcha every morning you don’t necessarily need to stop these habits because you are home. Sometimes we can feel tension between the person we once were, the one we have become, and the one our parents or other family want us to be. Sticking to your routines and daily anchors will help keep you grounded in the person that you are now while you’re home for the holidays
Set Boundaries – There are more explicit boundaries – how long will I stay for and where will I sleep. But boundary setting is an ongoing process and can involve different interactions. It may be tapping out of certain conversations you know are going to activate you or deciding you don’t want to talk about certain aspects of your life that you know will cause tension. Thinking about both the explicit and ongoing boundaries you want to set before the trip will be helpful.
What is home anyway? – Generally, people often refer to ‘home’ as the place they were raised. For some your parent(s) may still live in the house you grew up in, and you may be going home to your childhood bedroom. But I would encourage flexibility with this framing. Maybe you have lived in NYC 10 years and feel at home here. It is your home. You’re visiting a place that was your home for a long time, but you’re a different person now shaped by many years of adult life. Are you really going home for the holidays? Or are you visiting the place you’re from, for a time limited emotional engagement on as much of your own terms as possible.
