Why Insight Isn’t Enough
From a therapeutic perspective, insight is when you gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Maybe you find yourself getting frustrated at your partner when they don't text back immediately. You come to understand and accept that this feeling is similar to not receiving attention from your parents. Or you get anxious at the thought of saying no, and through introspection, you learn that you equate boundary-setting to disappointing others.
Some believe that self-awareness can lead to change, and at times, it can. When we have a better understanding of the origin and function of a behavior or belief, we begin to have choice. Take the earlier example: you believe saying no may disappoint others. Understanding that this is your belief may help you try experimenting with saying no. You might find that your friends feel the same way about you after you turn down an invite. After repeating this a handful of times, you may find that it is much easier to set boundaries.
However helpful insight may be, there are times when insight alone is not enough for change. Take a scenario where you feel stuck in a relationship. Insight into your past could help you tie the pain you witnessed throughout your parents’ divorce to the pain you fear you’ll inflict if you leave your current relationship. This insight may give you a deeper sense of the struggle you feel to end the relationship, but it doesn’t help you end it. Insight alone doesn't help us to learn to communicate and take action.
A professor I had put it simply, "You can't have someone do calculus unless you teach them how to do calculus." If you want to end a relationship, knowing that you are afraid of letting someone down might not help you leave. You may not be able to get out of a relationship unless you know the words to communicate that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore. Finding the right words and practicing communicating them may be what is needed. Insight opens the door, but practice creates the pathway.
Another area where insight may not be enough is in learning to express certain emotions with others. If anger was an emotion that was not tolerated in your house growing up, you may come to understand that that is why it’s hard for you to get angry in a relationship. Or, if you were not allowed to be sad and cry as a child, and no one ever sat with your sadness, it may be hard for you to be vulnerable and let yourself be sad with a friend, partner, or family member. However, knowing that these emotions are hard for you to express and understanding the root cause of them may not be enough for you to change. What may be needed is to experience feeling these emotions with someone else. This can be daunting at first, but allowing yourself the space to feel these emotions can be a powerful tool to connect with yourself. If you are mad, say it. If you are sad, allow yourself to cry. These types of emotions cannot be felt with another simply by understanding they are difficult to express. If you feel safe and trust that another person can tolerate your emotions, such as with a therapist, you may begin to allow yourself to feel emotions you previously shied away from.
We come to therapy searching for answers—why we behave the way we do, how to handle difficult situations, or simply to feel better. At times, insight can be enough to work through these challenges. But more often, insight is only the beginning. Real change can require practice. We need to learn how to take action and experience new ways of relating to others. Therapy offers not just understanding, but the space to rehearse and embody these changes.