What is Masking with ADHD?
Often in my clinical work, to explain how suppressing feelings is something that is difficult to do long term, I will use the example “it’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater.” We can only “muscle” something for so long before it becomes exhausting, and the feeling either needs to be articulated (“I am angry”), enacted (Throwing something across the room), or felt in the body (stomachache, headache, etc) to name a few.
I think of masking with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in a similar way, except this disorder cannot be “expelled” in the way that feelings can be felt and worked through. It is a management tool that people with ADHD use to fit in with what they deem to be a more socially acceptable version of themselves in order to form necessary connections with others.
With ADHD symptoms such as difficulty focusing, trouble listening during conversations, poor organization, forgetfulness, and a lack of time management, stimming might be a way to mask in an effort to self-stimulate, reduce boredom, and improve concentration. This is done through repeated movements, sounds, or actions like humming, rocking, or tapping.
Other more hyperactivity-based symptoms of ADHD can be masked by bottling up emotions, staying quiet during conversations or limiting how much is contributed, or fighting the urge to stim. Some of the coping strategies for ADHD aren’t harmful, like tapping for example, but can feel shameful based on the individual’s experience or acceptance of their ADHD.
Managing one’s ADHD is not the same as masking, although there certainly is some crossover, and it really depends on the severity of the suppression of the symptom and the level of disruptiveness to that person’s life. For example, a healthier coping mechanism of masking may look like putting down your phone to really listen to someone else speak, preemptively organizing or cleaning your work space when you know you will have to sit and focus for longer periods of time, or writing down things in a list as they occur to you so as not to forget.
Because masking takes a lot of mental and emotional energy is one reason that anxiety and depression can co-occur with ADHD; it’s isolating, it can be embarrassing, it can create social anxieties, and sometimes lead to decreases in self esteem. Some people who come to therapy often describe this as “putting on a show” to which they are now experiencing burnout from. This is why late in life ADHD diagnoses can be so helpful since it can make sense of this particular kind of burnout from masking. Ongoing therapy is actually a great way to “unmask” because it can allow you to be your genuine self and discuss the difficulties from ADHD as well as all the ways one can hide it. Building this support system is one of the best things you can do for your ADHD.
